Life of Pi

Life of Pi.

Mother’s response.

My overly liberal mother’s response to this: http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2011/sep/02/secondary-school-teacher-soldier

Me: Hey, did you know there’s a new scheme which plans to put a few people from the army into really troubled schools to help out…
Mother: WHAT?!? Thats absolutely DISGUSTING. (Infact, it’s sick, just wrong so wrong) OH I just can’t believe it. That makes me feel ill.OH OH. The army should NOT be allowed near children, they shouldn’t have ANYTHING to do with children.
Sister (quietly): Like pedophiles?
Mother: WORSE!! Think of the HITLER YOUTH. Raping the poor little working class minds with SICK ARMY PROPAGANDA.
Me: I’m not sure it’s quite like that…
Mother: SO YOU WANT SCHOOLS TO BE RUN BY THE BNP???
Me: It’s the army, and they’re not invading the playgrounds, just helping out
Mother: ‘Just helping out’???? LIKE THEY DID IN IRAQ EH? They are trained to KILL. Do you want TRAINED KILLERS patrolling schools corridors??
Me: (feulling the fire a tad) Maybe it’ll work, give kids a sense of discipline and pride.
Mother: DISCIPLINE? Do you know how the army commands DISCIPLINE?(she’s seriously hysterical by now) TORTURE AND BRAINWASHING!
Me: The army have led several succesful initiatives which got kids off the streets giving them something to do and a sense of commun..(She cuts me off)..
Mother: CAN’T THEY JOIN THE SCOUTS OR DO A D of E?? There are plenty of other opportunities for kids to do outdoorsy fun things which don’t involve KILLING PEOPLE.
Me: (I rant about how ridiculous this statement is)
Father: They should all really join the young conservationists (Mother nearly explodes thinking he’s said ‘Young Conservatives’, but realizing her mistake, just shakes her head and sips her chamomile tea.)

Me and my sister exchange exassperated glances and run off to raid the chocolate cupboard.

My mothers still fuming, I think she’s rang up a sympathetic friend as wisps of:  ‘Oh it’s TERRIBLE, terrible. But what are we to do??’ and ‘Well of course her close friend is in the OTC (pronounced in a whisper like ‘you-know-who’)…Absolutely charming boy…Yes, I know, it’s sad.’ (like you’ve died)

Father’s started whistling, peace has been restored.